Read this as you will
I'll give you 1 trillion dollars if you could guess what I wanted to be when I grew up.
Architect. (sorry, I don't have that much money to leave it to chance)
More specifically, though, a rollercoaster architect. (in the terms of a 5th grader who spent a lot of time playing The Sims and RollerCoaster Tycoon — Real turn-of-the-millennium type stuff.)
Hours designing, and choosing directions for the walls and tracks. Sometimes making an odd angle that doesn’t make sense, but seemed cool at the time. Or dare I say it, a bit of tormenting hijinx.
Creating and building the structures was, at times, more fun than the main purpose of the game — building a life or running a theme park.
But screeching to the first life derailment I can remember. When I was in 5th grade, I suffered a severe concussion that knocked some things loose including some teeth. I’ll spare the full story, but I’m still wondering how it has affected me some 20+ years later. Maybe not at all. Maybe subtly enough to not know. I do remember the year or so afterward, I used to get severe migraines to the point of prescribed pain relievers and dark and silent isolation in my bedroom.
For the rest of my school years, I kind of coasted. Rarely studied, but did ok. Architecture aspirations were still on track until it came time for college applications. Didn’t get into schools for architecture. Didn’t get into UIC to throw discus for their track team…derailment #2.
Junior college it is. Frustrated, feeling like I was in high school again. Still trying to hold onto architecture, I took an AutoCAD class. At the same time, this is where the beginning of a track redirection came into play. I also enrolled in a computer art class. Now my previously concussed mind was comparing architecture to “graphic design”. How did it go? In a few words, architecture was derailed…by design. Over. I moved on.
And once that semester ended, I applied to one college.
Millikin University
Now my new coaster was intended on design. Graphic design. But that first semester of classes wasn’t under my control. The classes were pre-selected and an Introduction to Black and White Film Photography was slated to be part of my track as were other art classes that were prerequisites for a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree.
Now, which rollercoaster would you like to hop on below?
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Once I started at Millikin, I didn’t have an interest in “fine art”. Still don’t to be honest. But taking the drawing classes, art history, etc. was necessary. And once I started discovering and learning how to create (or try to create), I found it fun, tedious, annoying, fulfilling, confusing and the like. As the semesters went on, I learned more Adobe programs and graphic design basics. Further drawing classes, ceramics, sculpture. One intro to video class. Advanced b/w photography, Intro to color photo, alternative process photo.
I started to realize I liked to create. So when the time came for us art students to decide on a Bachelor of Fine Arts declaration, I chose graphic design and photography emphasis. And pursued it. Now, graphic design was my primary degree focus, but I started to feel photography was my passion. The combination of working with my hands, analytical thinking, creative thinking and the process of developing film was so unique and scientific. (I think I got that from my grandpa. He was a scientist at Argonne National Laboratory.)
So, photography. What do I do with it? Now that I’m purusing a BFA, I had to come up with a personal project for my photography class. So after some thought, I wanted to do something different than photographing student models like we did in class and the other photography BFAs were doing.
What did I choose?That coiled strip of metal turned into a toy called a Slinky. Our assignment was broken into 3 shoots/critiques. When I mentioned what my subject was, I was met with confused and skeptical reactions. I think my professor even was like, “hmm, really?” (or at least something to that effect).
First shoot was a learning experience. Patterns, composition, etc. The critique was meh.
Fair enough.
2nd shoot, I brought in color. There were a few raised eyebrows.
3rd and final, I added other objects. Now, this was about 11/12 years ago, but I think I remember something like “Damnit, Dave!” come from inside the classroom.
Now…everyone loves the Slinky. And in November of my senior year, I had a student spotlight show at Blue Connection. A Downtown Decatur art gallery run by Millikin Students.
My photography project and direction went to still life and toys.
But now I had to step it up for my BFA Senior Show. This time, I used toy soldiers. Action figures, not the little green guys.
I did have those little green guys as a kid playing in our sandbox. I created a battlefield in the sand and made moats. Lit fire crackers, fired bottle rockets, made little fires, etc. (my mom once ran outside with a fire extinguisher because she thought I was going to burn down our treefort, but that’s for another time.)
Anyway, I did the same thing for my senior show. Sans the fire crackers and bottle rockets.
So I pushed two workbenches in the sculpture studio together, gathered up a bunch of crumbled kiln fire brick from the ceramics studio and made another battlefield. Lit some motor oil on fire and smoked up the sculpture studio…oops, sorry mom….I mean, Professor Jim…oh and created some “war” photos.
After all that, I still was allowed to pursue a BFA vs a BA. And I did graduate with a Bachelor of Fine Arts. I struggled to get a graphic design job, but started at the photo studio where I got my high school senior portraits done. After 4 years, I left after getting frustrated with photography and found myself in another derailment, but here comes the fast track.
So I tried again for graphic design to no avail. Went through a UX design bootcamp, got interested in art direction. 27 year old me did an internship at Edelman then ultimately found myself in a graphic design position in 2017 that lasted until 2020.
(Brake slam!)
February 2020, I was in the middle of misery and finally got laid off. Before covid took over the world.
I was more lost than ever before. I applied to jobs, got an interview or two. Made it to the final 2 candidates for one job, but ultimately didn’t get it. Fall 2020, I moved back home, stumbled on an urgent graphic design need and jumped on it. Did that for about a year remotely. And found myself feeling the same frustrations and misery. The gig ended, strangely, but ended.
(this is where you can jump on the next rollercoaster Photography & Business below)
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Finding myself lost after being laid off from a graphic design job what did I do?
Struggled. Hard.
But to back track a tad like Harry and Lloyd in Dumb and Dumber. At one point in my earlier 2020 job search, I was going to give graphic design one more chance. Scrubbing through LinkedIn, I came across a post needing a freelance graphic designer. I reached out and got the gig.
During my freelance design gig, I came to another opportunity. A full-time graphic design position opened up at the same company. Should I build a straight track or loop? Apply for the job or stay independent?
I can say, this rollercoaster got intense with overthinking, but came out of the twists, turns and loops and decided on staying independent. I decided not to apply for the job. I was going to try freelancing. My last effort with graphic design.
March 2021, I filed my LLC and continued the freelance gig while trying to build a business and this website.
2021, I wanted my freelance business to offer graphic design, photography and retouching. It made sense to me since I had experience in all 3. But with more frustration building with graphic design, the freelance gig ended in the fall of 2021. The graphic design coaster came to an end.
And now looping back, I’m focusing solely on photography.
I contemplated long and finally took my graphic design and retouching pages off my website. And started to rework it into what you see now. Corporate event photography. Product photography. Coaching for beginning photographers. And it’s still a work in progress.
Fast forward through 2022, I’ve met many new people, started shooting for a small agency, booked my own clients, struggled, wanted to give up, gotten more shoots, still live at home, canceled a gym membership, found a more affordable gym, worry about the other aspects of my life while struggling to make progress, and many more ups, downs, twists, hard lefts, and loops.
But the thing is, I want to make this service work.
Oh, and in case you were wondering about the college slinkies and toy soldiers, here are a few.
